Drive Thru
June
The day had been a long one. It was the sort of work day one stares at a clock in an attempt to will it to move faster. It was over now. Thankfully over. All Charles wanted to do was grab some dinner and poop out on the couch with his wife Charlene. Charles pulled into the drive through of Arby’s. He was greeted over the microphone by a bored masculine voice. “thank you for choosing arby’s can i take your order,” he drolled out. Charles was undeterred by this lackluster display of attentiveness.
“Yes, I’d like a chicken cordon bleu as a combo. Value sized, biggie sized, super sized, whatever it is you call it.” Sensing the impending questions Charles immediately said, “Make the drink a Dr. Pepper and the fries curly. Oh, and I’d like the super to go with that. No sauce please.”
There was a pause on the other end of the mic. The operator knew he had no questions to ask Charles back and that strangely put him off his rhythm. “Did you say ’super’” the guy asked. Charles felt this was to just to spite him.
“Yes, I did.”
“Ok, the total’s 13.08. Pull around.”
Charles pulled around and paid at the window. With the bag finally resting beside him, he hit the back roads to his house. When Charles was a block away, the aroma of the fries could contain him no more. He reached over and grabbed one out of the bag. When he did, he noticed that his fries, like the Grinch’s heart, were 2 sizes too small.
“Crap!”
He didn’t want to go back. He’d been gone from the house since this morning. The only thing that he wanted now was to return to it. It was either go back or let it go. Charlene won’t mind the loss of a few fries, he thought. It’s been a long day for her too, she just wants to hang out with me. I’ll just not worry about it.
August
Charles pulled up into the drive through. He had been avoiding this place for a while. They had forgotten to give him the right fries the last time he was here. He liked Arby’s food. And it had been a while… It had just been that once. Don’t most places forget something once in a while? Don’t they deserve a second chance? Besides, he was going to check the bag this time.
“welcome to arby’s can i take your order,” droned a different voice from last time. The difference however was in pitch only. The drone was word for word identical. It was as if there was a factory somewhere that produced mic operators. This must just be the latest model. Big Mic 2.0.
“Beef and cheddar combo. Value sized, Dr. Pepper, curly fries. Super no sauce, just the sandwich,” Charles shot back.
There was a pause at the other end as the order was put in.
“Was that curly fries you asked for?”
“Yes it was,” Charles said with a certain level of defeat.
“12.89 at the window.”
Charles pulled around. He checked the bag. Every item seemed to be there and in the appropriate spots. Maybe it had just been that once. Charles headed home feeling pretty good.
–
“Charlene, I’m back.”
“Oh good,” she said. “I had just cleared off the table.
Charles unpacked the bag putting the sandwich in Charlene’s traditional spot. They sat down and began to get into their food.
“Oh no.” Charlene said. “They forgot to take the sauce off the sandwich. You know I can’t have the sauce. I’m allergic to it.”
“Ah man,” Charles said. “I know I told them no sauce.” He got up from the table and grabbed his keys. “I’ll just take it back and get another one.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe you should just stay and eat. I’ll grab a PBJ or something. Your food will get cold while you’re gone.”
“No, they messed up. And you deserve to have something to eat too. It’s not like we grab fast food all that often. I won’t be gone long.”
“Ok,” Charlene replied. “Hey, maybe they’ll give you something to compensate. Like extra fries or something.”
“Maybe,” Charles said hopefully.
Charles’s food was cold by the time he got back with a new sandwich and no fries.
November
“Hey, let’s grab some Arby’s on the way back to your place,” Jack said. “I haven’t had that in a while.”
“Well, it sounds good,” Charles said. “But, every time I go in there they mess up my order.”
“They won’t mess up your order. I’m sure it was just that once.”
“Twice,” Charles shot back coolly.
“Well, what’s the odds it’ll happen again,” Jack asked. “Besides, I’ll check the bag.”
“Do you think I didn’t think of that?”
Charles sighed. He turned into the Arby’s drive through lane.
“welcome to arby’s can i take your order,” droned what had to have been Big Mic 3.0.
“Yes, I’d like the 5 for 5.95, and two large curly fries,” Charles said into the mic.
“Did you say 5 for 5.95?”
Charles sighed again. “Yes, I did.”
“10.08 at the window.”
Charles pulled up to the window. The order had been so blessedly simple this time through. They couldn’t have screwed it up. He paid the operator and handed the bag over to Jack. Jack did some sorting through the bag and gave Charles the thumbs up.
Charles’s spirits lifted. Maybe it was ok this time. Maybe the order came out ok. He drove home.
–
Jack emptied the bag on the table. He started divvying up the sandwiches and realized there was something wrong.
“I think they forgot to give us a sandwich.”
“What,” Charles asked incredulously. “I thought you checked the bag.”
“I did. I swear they were all in there. I counted them.”
“Did one fall out,” Charles asked.
“I’m pretty sure they didn’t. The fries were on top and they weren’t disturbed when I just pulled them out now.”
“Crap,” Charles said feeling utterly defeated. “I knew something like this would happen. I just knew it. Where’s the receipt. I’ll go back and get the missing one.”
They asked to see the receipt twice.
January
“Are you sure you want Arby’s,” Charles asked.
“I’m sure,” Charlene said.
“You know they always mess up my order.”
“They never mess up mine. I don’t know why you have such a problem with them.”
“I don’t know. I just always do. And it’s always that Arby’s too. The one by the University always gets my order right.”
“Well, we’ll keep the order simple,” Charlene said. “And check the bag this time.”
–
Charles pulled the car into the drive through.
“welcome to arby’s can i take your order,” droned on Big Mic 4.0 now with extra Surliness.
“I’d like the market fresh turkey and swiss combo, dr. pepper, curley fries, value sized with a Reuben.” Charles knew the turkey and swiss didn’t have any sauce on it for them to accidentally add on. He was pretty home free. As long as everything was in the bag they couldn’t get this wrong.
There was a pause at the other end where Charles knew Big Mic 4.0 was thinking of some sort of question to ask There was nothing about the order that he gave that needed a question from him.
“Did you say Cur..”
“Yes.”
“And the drink..”
“Dr. Pepper.”
There was a thwarted pause at the other end of the mic.
“15.60. Pull around.”
Charles pulled around. He paid with his check card.
Big Mic gave him his bag. Charles checked it. Two sandwiches and a large fry stood in attendance. To be sure, Charles counted again. Big Mic gave a what-you-don’t-trust-me scowl at Charles.
“My card.”
“Oh sorry.” Big Mic 4.0 gave Charles his card back.
Charles looked at the bag. That had been too easy. “Maybe the card was the mistake,” he told himself. Maybe that’s what it was supposed to be and I caught it in time.
–
Charles got in the house and started getting the food out of the bag. Charlene sat down and unwrapped her sandwich. There sitting on the paper was two slices of bread. Betwixt the two was nothing. Nada. Zilch.
“Oh my God,” Charlene said. “They forgot the meat on my sandwich. Who forgets to put the meat on the sandwich?”
“They did what,” Charles asked incredulously.
“My sandwich. They forgot to put meat on it.”
Charles let out a slow, defeated sigh. He had had his hopes up, he realized.
“I’ll take it back,” he said. He got up and went to the door.
–
When Charles went in through the door, the manager behind the counter actually looked surprised to see him. There was a touch of shock there. He couldn’t for the life oh him imagine why there would be shock there.
Charles dropped the sandwich on the counter.
“You gave me a sandwich with out any meat on it.”
“What,” the manager asked. She was apparently unconvinced by Charles statement. Like maybe he just imagined the meat had taken a trip to Tahiti.
Charles opened up the sandwich. “There is no meat on the sandwich,” he said. Big Mic 4.0 suddenly became interested in the situation as did a number of other kitchen staff who, as of yet, had no nicknames.
The manager looked at the not quite a sandwich and started laughing. She said something to the cook and what sounded like a vague apology to Charles. But, Charles wasn’t listening. The incredulous looks. The blatant disrespect. It had all gotten to him. It was either sulk off and cry at home or stand and fight.
A new sandwich was plopped down in front of Charles.
“Wait,” Charles said to the manager. The dispersing goon squad sort of perked up at this.
“Do you know how many times you guys have messed up my order? Do you know how many times I’ve come in here and had my food order messed up? I can’t think of one time in the last year that I’ve come in here and actually gotten what I paid for.”
“We’re sorry,” the manager began. Charles cut her off.
“Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to come back up here? I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’ve had a long day at work. And when you screw up my order, I have to come back here to get it fixed. By the time I get back home, my food is cold.”
The manager’s face had gone from jolly fool to that of a scorned child.
“I’m sorry. Why don’t I get you an order of fries to take back with you.”
“An order of fries,” Charles erupted. “AN ORDER OF FRIES!! This has gone well beyond an order of fries.” Charles flipped open his phone. “I’m calling the Better Business Bureau. After that, I’m calling your corporate office.”
Panic colored over the manager’s face. “You don’t have to do that,” the manager said, tripping over the words. “What can we do to make it up to you?”
Charles closed his phone and looked at the food behind the bar.
–
“What took you so long,” Charlene asked from the kitchen.
“I had to talk to them about my order,” Charles said.
Charles set two large bags on the table.
“What are those,” Charlene asked. A look of deep puzzlement crossed her face.
Charles grinned. “The first bag here has your sandwich, a roast beef sandwich. Four supers with no sauce. I made them make that one four times to make sure they wouldn’t forget it. The other bag has fries in it.”
Charlene looked at him. “Fries?” She leaned over and looked in the bag. It was filled all the way to the top with nothing but fries. It was one large sack of fries.
