I go to the Y about twice a week on average. I take my ipod and usually hit the weight training equipment and treadmills. It all depends on the mood I’m in. After a few visits I start to get bored of the work out routines I do. I apparently have issues with keeping interest.
Lately, I’ve been starting my work outs with a great Jonathan Coulton number “Re: Your Brains.” So, to liven up my visits, I started pretending I was training for a potential zombie apocalypse. It’s actually pretty motivating to go that extra mile or lift that extra pound to think of it in these terms. It’s been pretty fun too.
But, it’s got me thinking… What specific muscle groups would you train for a zombie apocalypse? Here are some of my thoughts. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t suspect this will be biologically accurate. So here goes:
For the upcoming apocolypse you’re going to need to do the following:
Fend off zombies.
Navigate tricky terrain in near panic situations.
Repair things in a jiffy.
Scavenge for food, weapons and other necessities.
So, to get ready, let’s look at the first item on our list. Fending off zombies. Hopefully this means rifle practice from a safe distance. But, if case it’s close combat with a hockey stick, we’d better be ready.
Do’s:
Upper body strength will be a necessity here. We want to be able to wrestle zombies off us. Also, the extra power in our swings will work well for busting heads. Upper body strength will also be a necessity when trying go recover a generator, moving some heavy equipment out of the way or barricading a building.
Combat training would be a good idea. I suggest weapon practice. Training for a sword or a staff like object will make baseball bats and broom handles viable weapons. Additionally, those sorts of weapons never run out of ammo. Knife training would be ok, but we’re looking for range here whenever possible.
Endurance will be a factor. Zombies don’t tire! Hopefully if you’ve got good weapon skills you can fight quickly and efficiently and conserve your energy. In which case, bursts of energy is best. Either way, you want to boost your endurance. Weapons are heavy and you’ll be doing a lot of running.
Agility will be a huge factor. Chances are you’ll be doing a lot of work in a hurry. Possibly in a panic. You don’t want to slip and fall in the new world wasteland. You’d be the laughing stock of survivors everywhere if you managed to die from an infection you got from broken glass.
Work on your running. It’s a lot easier to run than fight. And in a lot of cases, the zombies will out number you anyways. So, go for some long runs to build up those leg muscles. The upshot is this, zombies don’t run as fast as you. You should be able to leave them in the dust quickly.
Don’ts:
All you people out there who studied Brazillian Jujutsu, Wresting, or Judo, good luck. You’ll need it. Zombies feel no pain, so tapping them out or locking their limbs isn’t a good idea. Also, they bite in close range.
Bulk Up. You’re going to have to survive a long time in this new world. The more muscle you have, the more you have to eat to maintain it. Ideally, you want a bit of body fat to survive the initial confusion. After that, wiry, but strong will be the ideal physique.
Work out alone! You’ll need some help in the new world. So, get your spouse involved, your neighbor, just about anybody you trust and head to the gym.
